hai.. hai.. hai..

SHATTERED( like what Zhiyee keeps saying)!

why?
just like my really amazing mentor/rolemodel/friend/senior said.
take everything in your stride...
dont accumulate things... in my case it was pressure/stress/fear.
poured everything out to my dear dear counsellor/lecturer/motivator.
kindda feeling better but tired. very very tired. emotionally/mentally/physically.

a really sad/pathetic/embarrassing/stupid/lousy way to start to the new school year.
it's okay.. next point/time/day/moment.

setting is still as lousy as ever..
to tell you the truth, [(frankly personal things were not often posted.. so be honoured that you are able to read this.. -.-")]
i'm trying.. but seems like the more i try the lousier i become. fara also told me to stop pressurising myself. the reason why i'm not improving is because i'm NEVER relaxed. always trying to stay strong infront of people has a negative inpact on your brain! it just causes mental breakdowns.. i really want to pour out all my problems but.. to who? she asked me to find THAT person but who? really.. i dont know who can tell me what to do/advise me/guide me.. or maybe i'm just not used to sharing my problems out cause i feel that it will just burden them..(?)
i grew up teaching myself to be strong, never allowing people to see my weaker side.(yes, i'm ego-istic) but as years passed in BP, the weaker and weaker i become. weird.. i thought with age the stronger i should be?

i have the desire to be a good player. i want to make it far. but all i do is just making it worst.. i feel lousy.. oh well..

anyway... [today][SMU friendly]
i got my service back.. i think.. i hope..
oh btw,, i got into 3L1! same as Zuhairah, Allisa and Eileen.
ZU! another 2 years with you! sufferings and laughters.. we're going to have a great time.*evil laughs*

eating lunch with yuanteng and jiayu can cause stomachache man! laugh a lot! all the random stupid comments and actions they do~ they really are crazy/stupid/dumb/lame people. haha!

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